Daughter To Father

People always said they could see

• a certain magic
• between the father and his daughter.
• Even when she was just a toddler (and he just a graduate student)
• there was an open, visible, two-way pride...
• and for sixteen years since then, it had grown... his joy in
• all she had learned, all she had become, and mostly
• in the fact that she was his daughter...
• her joy in all he was and all he stood for, and mostly
• in the fact that he was her daddy.
• (And that was still his name,
• because she still felt the same simple love and
• respect
• that she had when "Daddy" was the first
• and only
• word she could say.)
• Between them, a total openness and love and trust had developed...
• so complete that facades and competition and the need to prove
• had never even flickered into the relationship...
• and such a oneness that the sharing of a happy memory
• stirred more joy
• than the original event,
• and the sharing of troubles came as second nature.
• She knew things about herself when she was with him
• that she didn't know when she was alone...
• and so did he.

Long walks happened between them now...

• sometimes for reasons, sometimes for none, and brought about
• a communication so complete
• that both felt a lingering awareness of a third present entity...
• a clarifying catalystic force
• that transcended the words they spoke
• and telegraphed feeling,
• heart to heart.

One clear soft evening

• in autumn,
• beneath the lofting elms that shrouded their street,
• she slipped her hand into his and whispered above the stillness,
• "Daddy... what is the most important thing of all?"
• It was a silly question in a way... a profound one in another...
• She knew it was... but it was a night for questions like that...
• they had time.

The father thought as they walked,

• for serveral silent minutes,
• and then he gave his daughter the right answer
• in one word:
• "Relationships."

The thought had never come to him like that before,

• yet as he said it, he knew it had a kind of inspiration
• and his mind formulated questions to teach his daughter
• what he felt.

"Can you think of a single better measurement of happiness

• than the number and depth of the relationships
• a person has?"
• The moonlight caught her hair as her head turned,
• "Certainly not money... not possessions... maybe testimony
• and conviction that God lives...
• but that is a relationship, isn't it...
• with God?"
• His thoughts rushed to catch hers,
• "What is that relationship... with God... what is its nature?"
• "Parent-Child."
• "You know, we say it so often... I wonder if we really hear it.
• Does the phrase 'I am a child of God' stop in your mind
• as it goes through your ears?
• And how many do you think really believe the phrase..
• (Assuming that understanding it is prerequisite to believing it)?"
• "Not many, Daddy...
• if we did
• we would spend more time seeking to strengthen and improve that
• one relationship."

He nodded, then went on, teaching himself as he taught her...

• "Is there anything you can take with you... from this life
• to the next
• other than the relationships you have formed?"
• She paused for some time... formulating what she thought was
• a full answer,
• "To be able to retain our relationships beyond this earth
• must be our greatest blessing...
• but there is more that we can take...
• Knowledge, judgment, capacities... all that we become
• internally
• while we are here."
• They walked on in silence for a few moments and then
• her definition of "relationships" expanded to match his
• and she went on,
• "Relationships with self... that's what all of these things are."

From that plateau, he reached again,

• "Is there anything else? I mean
• if a person was suddenly voided of all the relationships he had...
• would there be anything left?"
• "No... nothing...
• except maybe the potential to build new relationships."

Now their thoughts leap-frogged past each others'.

• Her answers went beyond his questions and bounced his mind
• into deeper perspectives.
• "Can't almost everything be translated into a relationship...
• our problems,
• our fulfillments,
• our concerns and worries, our joys and pleasures...
• don't all stem from one relationship or another...
• and if they do, why don't we focus more effort
• on relationships?"
• "I don't know, Daddy... I guess partly because we all work
• so hard on achievement...
• on getting things done and on gaining material things.
• That word is really the villian, isn't it?... "Things"...
• things are the antithesis of people;
• and that's the choice we face so often...
• people or things...
• relationships or achivements...
• taking time to get to know someone or getting another thing done.
• Why is it that we usually choose the thing over the person,
• even when we know that the thing is temporary
• and the person is forever?"
• Now he was answering instead of asking,
• "Maybe...
• maybe because we think of relationships not as ends in themselves
• but as the means to other ends.
• When you think about it, our 'relating' usually takes one
• of two forms...
• either it is small talk, for social reasons,
• with no motives;
• or it has ulterior motives of achieving some objective...
• some thing other than the relationship itself."

"Daddy, how many real relationships do you have? And

• how many
• do you need?"
• "I don't know... I mean, I guess that
• it depends on what a real relationship is.
• What constitutes one... what are the essential ingredients?
• What do we mean when we say
• 'a real relationship'?"
• So they built a mental list as their walking ruslted the leaves
• underfoot.
• First the father, then the daughter...
• stimulating each other's thought...
• setting up an expanded defintion of an ideal relationship
• and of what it would contain:

Investment of time... together

• Trust
• Openness
• Honesty - Integrity
• Shared experiences
• Background knowledge
• Personality insight
• Respect
• Interest
• Concern
• Admiration
• Commonality
• Commitment
• Giving of one's self
• Empathy
• Understanding
• Communication
• Patience
• Love
• Sincerity
• Delight
• Participation
• Challenge
• Stimulation
• Progression
• Tolerance
• Listening
• Receiving
• Sharing

Finally, a longer silence signaled that the list

• was done,
• at least for then.
• They had walked a mile, the moon was higher...
• "Can you imagine the value of one relationship possessing all
• these qualities?
• Can you even compare it with anything else?"

The conversation shifted from question to answer

• to question to question
• because
• some questions needed no verbal answers
• and others needed reflection and pondering beyond that one
• crisp evening:
• "How many of the 'relationship components' in the list
• apply to a relationship with God?
• to a relationship with self?"
• "How many real relationships do
• you
• have... (if the list is your criteria)?
• How many should you have... (if 'should' is defined as
• 'prerequisite to happiness')?"
• How many do you need... (if 'need' is defined as
• 'essential to exaltation')?"
• "Is a deep relationship selfish
• or selfless?
• or both?"
• "Is there anything more exciting
• than really relating to someone?
• Is there any thrill
• to match?"

(Her hand tightened on his fingers, and performed the answer

• to the last question.)

They turned for home

• but the talk continued on that and other nights...
• and focused
• on Relationships with Self
• Relationships with God
• Relationships with Family...
• for they are the three that are essential
• to exaltation
• And they are the three on which the full Gospel sheds
• so much
• unique and additional light.

Introduction to 'Relationships... Self... Family... God' -- Paul H. Dunn and Richard M. Eyre